Her Love and Regrets (Book I) Read online

  She had convinced herself she could always volunteer for a NPO that appealed most to her. She turned her attention to a bevy of recruiters that came to campus scooping up graduates. Since she finished the program in the top five percent, she knew she’d have strong options. She could sort through each to find the best match for mobility, range of clients, and of course, a better salary. More than anything she wanted to find a firm that wouldn’t pigeon-hold her in one area of the practice, but allow her to find her niche.

  Like Janine, Michael had the options too. He finished the program two students ahead of her. She counted herself fortunate that it was only two. He had an incredible mind and it intrigued her. He was certainly handsome, but that wasn’t what first drew her to him. Sharing a course called Lawyering for Change she found herself utterly entranced by his ability to analyze a situation with keen insights and present conclusions reaching far beyond the expected. His brilliance was evident not just in class, but at the first gathering of a study group that brought the majority of their friends together. He possessed compassion and empathy that seemed beyond his sphere of personal experience. When he spoke, his words were thoughtful and composed. He used language sparingly, but precisely and could evoke transformative thinking in others—especially her.

  One morning after class, she approached him asking if he’d join her for coffee. For her, it wasn’t a date or subtle flirting. She simply wanted to talk about the law and explore with a seemingly like-minded person the real potential of the career path they were undertaking. Their conversations began to take on a range of social and political topics, and she found being with him gave her an ease she rarely felt. She began to look forward to their gatherings, even though she was quickly making friends with others in the program.

  Michael made her laugh and sometimes bristle at some of his more radical perspectives. In time, she felt like there was no other place she’d rather be than sitting with him, drinking coffee contemplating the mundane and profane with equal intensity. She wasn’t entirely sure when it happened, but one afternoon as they talked she found herself not only listening to his words, but observing all the subtle gestures he made.

  The way he reached for the sugar exposed his shoulder and back muscles through his shirt. When he slowly stirred his coffee and then ran the plastic stirrer across his lips and tongue, she appreciated how full and soft his lips were. At times, he sat across from her with his legs crossed at the knee, and other times he simply sat knees apart leaning towards her to make a point. Each time he did it she’d notice how strong and defined his thigh and leg muscles were. But in all circumstances he tended to keep one or both hands resting on his lap. At times his posture seemed a bit formal and that too was intriguing. It spoke of a bearing, a social upbringing that they rarely discussed. She’d soon learn he was from a family of considerable means.

  When he talked, his eyes sparkled as his thoughts flowed easily from one topic to another. His smile was warm and inviting and sometimes a little naughty. The more she considered him, she found him utterly mesmerizing and extremely beautiful. She didn’t like the impact her thoughts of him were having for so many reasons. She didn’t want to cross the line with someone she came to respect and genuinely liked. She also didn’t want the distraction of dating anyone. Of course, she knew she was being presumptuous in thinking he’d be interested in dating her. Given all the time they spent together, he never made any overtures suggesting his interest in her was anything other than platonic. That was the case until late in the first semester. In advance of exams, Janine and her friends decided to relax and have a little fun by going to a nightclub in the city.

  When Kelly arrived to pick her up for the adventure, Janine couldn’t help but notice she was dressed for a manhunt. She wore a laced bodice with a snug miniskirt and four-inch heels all accented with daring jewelry. Kelly was a stunning woman, tall with exceptional curves and soft caramel skin that was virtually flawless. She could turn the heads of men and women alike. Keenly aware of her attributes, she used them to her advantage. Janine loved Kelly’s fearless embrace of everything around her. She was like a chameleon whose core essence never changed. Without a shred of doubt, Kelly was the one person Janine knew who was completely confident with herself as woman, a scholar and seemingly understood her place in the universe.

  In contrast, Janine wore a pair of fitting jeans, a camisole with a light sweater and low heels. Assessing the difference in their attire, Janine felt woefully underdressed, and wholly inadequate. She didn’t need Kelly to say a word, but of course she did anyway.

  “Okay, really! You wearing THAT to the club?” Kelly said.

  “We’re just going out for a few drinks and dancing right? It’s not like I’m trying to pick up anybody,” Janine said trying her best to defend her more conservative appearance.

  “Hell, to the NO! You are not wearing that out with me. Folks gonna think I brought you along to make me look good! Don’t you have anything that shows off your girls better at least? I mean, damn! A soccer mom sweater? Seriously? Who you trying to hide all that from?” Kelly was relentless, and her commentary was only beginning. “For God’s sake! Good Lord gave them to you, show that shit off! I wish I had breasts like that—all full and perky and shit!”

  Janine was mildly amused and slightly offended at the same time. Anyone who spent time with Kelly knew that she could be funny, bold, crude, but never stupid.

  “Anything else?” Janine asked sarcastically.

  “Look girl, I’ve got nothing but ass going on back there. Some men like ass—they fantasize about that shit. So, I don’t mind letting the sheep separate themselves from the goats to get at it. You, on the other hand got big ol’ feed-the-babies titties! So, get your goats! Go change your clothes! I know you’ve got something in there we can work with. Just do something else. Please!”

  “Kelly, I’m not trying to…look, I’m good. I think I look fine. Besides, I don’t need to dress for a man. I dress for me, what makes me comfortable.”

  Kelly listened to her and cocked her head to side. She let out a snort of a laugh before saying to Janine, “Let me ask you something.”

  “What?”

  “What do you wear when you go to church?”

  “When I go, usually a dress. What’s that got to do with what I wear to a club?”

  “Umm hmm. And what do you wear for a job interview?”

  Knowing her friend was trying to entangle her in logic, Janine tried to cut her off by saying, “Kelly, this is stupid. Can we go, please?”

  “I’m just saying we all put on the appropriate costume that meets the needs of our environment. We…you and I…are going to a nightclub; with music, dancing—which I hope is a little nasty— drinks and men. And you know what makes tonight all the better? We’re going with a group of friends so we have cover if shit gets foul. Just go in there and at least put some makeup on your face.”

  “I have on makeup!”

  “Lipstick that’s basically the same color as your lips along with a little eyeliner doesn’t count! How often do we get to do this? C’mon, girl! You making me tired! Change your damn clothes!”

  Kelly was less impatient than her words implied, but just enough to take Janine by the hand and lead her to the closet to scour her clothes. Resisting seemed useless, so Janine just went along. Racking through her clothes with a keen eye, Kelly stopped at a dress hanging towards the end of the row.

  “I know you don’t wear this to church…when you go. If you do, you’re going straight to Hell!!” Kelly laughed harder this time.

  “You’re a fool…you know that right?” Janine teased.

  There among the items was a sleeveless, black, skin-tight, dress with a mid-thigh hemline and an angular neckline with a cuff around the neck.

  “Hot damn! I knew you had something in here! Simple and perfect! Do you have any bangle bracelets?”

  Feeling like the ugly friend about to be dolled up, Janine replied, “Yes. Gold, silver and a few wi
th African beading.”

  “Perfect!! Get the African ones! Those will work with that gorgeous mahogany skin of yours, especially when you put a little something else on your face. You really don’t need a lot of makeup—but we’re going to put you in some brick red lipstick. What kind of heels do you have?”

  “Kelly, I can’t be in a club all night in heels!”

  “Then do like the white girls and pull ‘em off if your dogs start barking! But you’ve got to have them on when you get in there. Okay, so you got peep toes or strappies?”

  “Both. My peep toes have a wider heel. That might be more comfortable.”

  “Ummm…no. Did your simple ass just say ‘wider heel?’ Girl! Sometimes, I can’t with you!!”

  Janine laughed at how ridiculous all this was, and yet underneath was genuine warmth preventing her from taking any lasting offense at anything that was happening between them.

  “Is there anything else I need to do to satisfy your pimping of me this evening, Kelly Davis?” They both giggled at the realization that Janine finally was letting her own wicked wit shine through.

  “No ma’am. Now hurry up!”

  It didn’t take Janine long to dress and greatly enhance her appearance to Kelly’s satisfaction, as well as her own. As she stared at herself in the mirror, she liked what she saw. The dress hugged her in all the right places, even though she didn’t have the full hourglass shape Kelly possessed. Instead, Janine’s body was strong—but not necessarily athletic. Her legs were full, which gave an illusion of hip curvature and she was toned throughout. The downward angle of the dress’ neckline exposed the fullness of her breasts—which were smooth and at least two shades lighter than the rest of her. Against her darker face, arms and legs her breasts seemed like independent glowing orbs that could draw attention faster than anything she said. She studied them for a moment, adjusting just slightly before putting on the dangled earrings Kelly selected for her.

  Janine acknowledged it all worked—especially with the cute pixie haircut she had gotten a few weeks before. She got the cut for convenience, but with a little gel to add a little spike, it made her look…seductive. She rarely dressed this way, even though she had several outfits in her closet that were quite sexy and becoming on her. Most she had purchased with intent, but rarely actually wore.

  Janine was a beautiful woman with cheerful, curious eyes and a broad radiant smile. She tended to downplay her physical attractiveness because she wanted to be known more for her mind than anything else. Over the years, she reasoned if she dressed provocatively, she wouldn’t be taken nearly as seriously. Being viewed as intelligent was how Janine felt safest, when she felt the most control.

  As the two women made their way to the club, the conversation was light. They talked about courses, professors and the hectic pace that seemed to keep them all either in class, study groups or the library. They both acknowledged it was a wonder any of them found the time to form the friendships they had. Kelly merged onto the beltway as the music thumped with her head bobbing and bouncing to the rhythms. Without warning, Kelly shifted the conversation considerably.

  “Janine?”

  “What’s wrong with me now?” she replied playfully.

  “Nothing at all! You look great. I mean, really.”

  “Well, thank you! I was beginning to wonder if I’d pass the ‘Out With Kelly’ test or not,” she said nudging her friend.

  “When’s the last time you dated?”

  Janine was taken aback by the question that seemed to come out of nowhere. “Why did you ask me that? You’re not hitting on me, are you?”

  “Now, THAT’S funny! Naw, Boo—even though you are cute!” They both chuckled at the thought. “I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on with you. As far as anyone can tell, you don’t date. Do you have someone tucked away back home somewhere?”

  “No, I’m not seeing anyone. Why?”

  “I’m just being nosy, really. I just see you as this remarkable person and you’re alone.”

  “Is there anything wrong with being alone? Believe me, I’m not lonely. I have great friends, like you. So, yeah—I’m good.”

  “So what’s going on with you and Mojo?”

  Janine wasn’t too thrilled with Kelly’s nickname for Michael even though she knew it was derived from Kelly’s impression that he exuded a hypnotic sexuality. Admittedly, there was definitely something about him that made women take notice.

  “We get together over coffee from time to time and that’s about it. He’s my friend, just like Dave and Jamal.” Janine hoped her answer was sufficient without giving away her own shifting feelings about him.

  “That’s not what I see,” Kelly said.

  “Really? What do you see?”

  “I don’t know exactly. It’s clear you two are pretty stealth mofos—but there is something there.”

  “I don’t really think so Kelly.”

  “Hmm, I don’t know, Janine. I’m pretty sure there is something there. You two sit a little closer together lately, you look at each other when the other’s not looking or talking. Like two damned puppies.”

  Janine thought that there was no way she could be that obvious to others. “He’s never done or said anything that leads me to believe he sees me any way other than the way I see him—a good friend.”

  “Well, friends with benefits can be nice too.”

  “Nice and messy. One of those friends ends up catching feelings and then everything gets awkward as hell. I don’t need that.”

  “And sometimes…it’s just nice.”

  Janine looked at Kelly and thought of what she said about Michael. He watches her? For a fleeting moment, she allowed the thought to linger and she liked the way it made her feel. But she chose to let it go. The last thing she wanted to do was ruin a relationship that meant so much.

  They didn’t chat at all during the brief remainder of their drive, they simply listened to music on the radio. When they arrived at the club, they walked around trying to locate their friends. The place was full but not yet packed. Nonetheless, it was like moving through a maze of dancing bodies, some writhing against one another while other dancers kept a distance suggesting new pairings.

  They found their crew occupying an elevated booth near the dance floor. Drinks were already on the table and Monica, Dave, Jamal and Michael were laughing and raising their glasses. The two waved to the others who began making room for them to sit. Monica had been sitting in the middle of the circular booth with Jamal and Dave to her left and Michael to her right. As Janine and Kelly approached the table, the guys stood to allow the women to sit in the interior seats.

  Kelly would have none of it saying, “It’s all good fellas, thanks! How am I gon’ get my groove on if I’m stuck in the middle?”

  Dave laughed at her and said, “Well, we figure y’all wanna talk and shit, so we might as well put you together.”

  “Who you kiddin', Dave? That’s standard cock block seating!” Kelly said half jokingly.

  The group howled with laughter. Generally speaking, most women knew that seating arrangements among friends could impact how prospective males perceived the group. If the women were in the middle, it meant that an approaching man had to acknowledge the other men by making eye contact to ensure talking to the woman was acceptable. If they were visually paired off, the presumption by onlookers was that this was a group of couples out. As awkward as all this logistical maneuvering appeared, the reality was it helped all of them if they were a bit “off,” meaning two men with a woman on either side of them worked best. Having a woman sit on the edge seat also suggested that at least she, if not all the women were approachable.

  “Kelly, sit your ass down! See fellas? Try to be a gentleman and hoes don’t appreciate it!” Jamal barked.

  Monica was clearly offended at the remark and immediately responded, “Excuse me, Jamal? You need to check yourself because there are no hoes at this table!”

  “Damn, Monica! Don’t b
e so sensitive! I’m just playing! Why you gotta make every damn thing an issue?”

  “I don’t appreciate being referred to as a ‘hoe.’ And please don’t ever let me hear ‘bitch’ come out of your face either!” she replied.

  The mood became serious quickly, as Monica threw a hard glance at Jamal and then to Janine and Kelly seeking support.

  As only he could, Dave deflected with expert timing and a mocking head and finger snap of a stereotype, “And don’t you forget it!!”

  The group seized the moment as Dave motioned Jamal to exit the booth so he could step out to allow Janine to sit on the interior next to Monica. Kelly simply moved to sit next to Michael on the booth edge. Monica took a sip of her drink, never taking her infuriated eyes off Jamal—who was completely oblivious to her genuine anger.

  “So, what do you ladies want to drink?” Dave asked.

  “Make it simple—Jack and Coke works for me,” Kelly replied.

  Janine chimed in with, “I’ll take a Long Island. And thank you!”

  “Sure thing!” Dave continued, “I’ll go to the bar because the waitress has been slow since we got here. If she does come back before I do, just order all around and we should get the drinks by the time we are ready for the next round.”

  Everyone nodded in agreement and continued talking. When Janine turned her attention back to the others, she noticed Michael looking at her with what could best be described as a look of curiosity. She adjusted in her seat. Feeling a bit insecure, she drew her elbows up on the table and clasped her hands in such a way that they blocked her breasts. He flashed a slight smile letting her know he liked what he saw while acknowledging he knew she was attempting to hide herself from him.